Tis' been awhile

Wow. Haven't written for months. So much has happened since April that I'm not sure where to start. I guess the biggest thing is that I moved back to Victoria. After quite a few weeks of debating and weighing the pros and cons of the situation, my heart told me that I should go home and be close to my family and friends. My parents are getting older and their health seems to be on a steady decline as of late. My Mom just went through cancer treatment and my Dad had 2 cataracts removed. They are slowing down and refuse to downsize their house and want to stay put. I figured I could at least be there to help with the yard or whatnot. Not only that, they also sold their business this year after a long and somewhat painful process. Many big changes that are sometimes difficult to go through without any support. I also feel like I owe them a whole lifetime of support considering I spent pretty much my whole life being a super spoiled little brat and treating them like shit. There are not enough words to describe how much I regret being so difficult and also how grateful I am for their unconditional love and support for the last 30 years of my life. My Dad and I went through some seriously rough times throughout my teen years. Granted, he was drunk most of the time and was verbally abusive, that fueled my anger and so did hormones...it was not a good scene. We have however made amends after many years of pain and resentment. I guess what I'm trying to get at here is that I feel like we have a lifetime of making up to do but due to his declining health, there won't be enough time for any of that to ever happen.  He was my hero when I was a little girl and I guess he still is a little bit. He's weathered, crotchety, funny, smart, silly, and somehow through all the bullshit over the years he's the coolest Dad on the planet. :)

I am happy to be home however alot of things have changed. The dynamic between my best friend and I has changed. She seems to have grabbed life by the balls while I was away and has a life full of work and activity. She is busy most of the time now and doesn't have time to hang out like we used to. I feel like I'm getting in the way of all of these advances that she has made and that I don't fit into her new life. While I understand people grow and change over time, it's hard to accept that people who you were close to for many years will move on with their lives if you are not around. Many other friends are now mothers and wives. I love these girls till death do us part, but sometimes it's difficult to relate to all of the things they talk about. I'm not even sure I want to have kids or even be married now. It seems like alot of trouble and stress and compromise and drama and poopy diapers that would be better to avoid altogether! Just yesterday I learned about the mind fucking that happens between spouses even for something as simple as taking the garbage out! Seriously!