So first things first. Vancouver. I moved over here in August of last year. It's hard to believe that it's been nearly 6 months already. Time flies. I am settled on the North Shore in a very lovely apartment with a water and mountain view. The neighborhood is relatively quiet and reminds me of Victoria in some ways. I think that's why I was drawn to it. On the edge of the big city, but not central. Kind of like me, slightly out in right field. I spend my evenings working out, reading, painting, listening to and downloading music and watching whatever shows happen to be downloaded on my computer. The library up the street is the best thing that's ever happened to me. I never knew how satisfying it is to go sit in a quiet place and read books about things that interest me. This is something so simple, yet I took it for granted before. My job is extremely stressful and high pressure. There are very high expectations of what a field adjuster must do and say and there is a huge learning curve. I am becoming more confident every day, but it a slow process. I hope one day it will all click for me and I will have the knowledge and ability to stand up to a difficult customer and know what I'm talking about instead of leaving and having a good cry in the car on the way home....ha ha.
It is lonely sometimes and sometimes I wonder if I made the right decision moving over here. I have always been a very social person and thrived being the center of attention and seeing my friends everyday. Now I have to rely on myself to stay happy and entertained. It's a huge change and one that still feels awkward at the best of times. Being single is also a foreign subject for me. Well at least sober-single is foreign. In the past I just got thorough the pain of a break up by getting totally wasted and numbing myself to any feelings whatsoever. Looking back, I wish I had been smarter when I was younger and allowed myself to grieve those losses properly because I'd probably be in a different place now. I don't regret being sober and I'm thankful that I've been able to stay that way for this long. Staying sober is my number one goal and each day gets easier. What I've accomplished since I quit drinking is proof in itself that sobriety is the way to go. So many people I know are completely in denial that they could even have a problem and they keep complaining about how shitty their lives are. If they could just put 2 and 2 together and figure it out. Another thing I've learned through this process is that everyone must figure themselves out on their own. No one can be forced to change or live a life they don't want to live. A huge mistake I've made is trying to change people or "fix" them or "help" them. After another failed relationship I realize that you have to love a person unconditionally, flaws and all an accept them how they are. If their lifestyle doesn't jive with yours then perhaps it's not realistic to be a part of each other lives.
Being single is something that I've been analyzing over and over recently. I'm preparing myself for spinsterhood. (see: http://diaryofaspinsteraunt.blogspot.com/ ) It's a sad but true reality in this day and age. More and more women are choosing a life without a male companion. Why is this? Has our quest for women's right over the past century come back to bite us in the ass? Now that we have the independance and equality we have been scratching and clawing for for ages, is it possible that men are indeed not necessary to make our lives bearable. In fact, men typically complicate our lives or cause us more stress than we need to deal with. Maybe I'm just jaded (yes, I am jaded) as I've made some poor decisions when it comes to relationships. I just don't think there is any out there who will actually love me for who I am and accept the nerotic, depressive, mess that is me. And if there is someone, he probably lives in some exotic country and we'll never meet. My wifey and I were also discussing how we have both recently experienced men who are completely effed up. Like jobless and totally emotionally crippled and in denial that their lives are a shit storm. We wonder how it's possible to be so completely clueless and out of control of your own self? Is it our generation that is the problem? The demographic? I think perhaps our generation is a greedy, spoiled one. Our parents gave us everything we wanted and more and now we have this sense of entitlement now. We feel that we don't need to work hard for a living or put any effort in because something will just fall in our lap. Unfortunately life doesn't work that way and eventually a rude awakening occurs.
Not sure where this blog is going to go from here. Likely alot of men bashing for now...LOL.
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